What I want

They say that you can't always get what you want. I finally understand the meaning of that. When one says you cannot always have what you want, it does not necessarily pertain to material things. Material things can easily be replaced or substituted for another object of desire. When an emotional want is left unfulfilled, however, you are left in a state of complete emotional turmoil.

For instance, when a relationship fades and the other party doesn't give you a reason other than, 'it's not you, it's me', you start questioning every moment, every word, every action. Doubt starts to form in your heart and in your head. You start analyzing everything that they may have told you, and everything you shared. Had your feelings been one sided this whole time? Were you not pretty or smart enough? Could you have done something different? These are all questions that we start asking ourselves. These are all questions that I've asked myself. 

Now you are probably wondering what is it that I want? Is it the relationship? Is it the guy? Is it the fairytale ending? What my heart longs for are answers; how did we get to this point and why? Were his feelings legitimate or where they all sweet lies meant for a single purpose? Was I drafted as one of the many?

What hurts the most is not the loss of something I considered special, but the shock of it all. Out of the blue, I was rudely awakened from this beautiful dream and brought into this nightmare.

The saying is true; I may never get the answers I'm looking for, and I'm slowly beginning to accept it. I've always prided myself on having very few regrets. I would not say that this entire experience has been in vain, but given the choice, knowing the outcome, I don't know if I would do it again. As there can be no do-overs, we have to choose to live in the past or trudge forward. I choose to leave my unanswered questions and my broken heart in the past and move on to a brighter, happier future...one day at a time.